what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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