Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
you mean i was at the winter classic?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Randomize
