Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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