I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
