I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
