I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
