That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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