I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
