You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
This house was built for laser tag.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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