the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
