left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
