The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
