well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
