Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize