38 yer olds are good kisserssss
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
