Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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