Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.

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(423): View more from Tennessee

he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"

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(+44): View more from England

mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.

(+44): View more from England

"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"

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(512): View more from Texas

Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?

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(501): View more from Arkansas

Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick

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(815): View more from Illinois

You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.

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(716): View more from New York

I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.

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