He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
