i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
