I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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