Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize