i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
