you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
