I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
