i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
