I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
