I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
