he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
