my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
