dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Randomize
