i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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