just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize