one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Text me some of your sweat
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