I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
