If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
