She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
