first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Boobs are out for the taking
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
