I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
