He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
