I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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