I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
