Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
