in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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