because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
