Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
