Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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