I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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