It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
