Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
