his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
