i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
