I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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