you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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