I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
