Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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