I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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