Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize