That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
