you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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