so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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