Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
