I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It's blow job season.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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