I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
