I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
