so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
