My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Found the puke drawer
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
