Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
