I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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