saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
