Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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