this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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