according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
