I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
