so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
