I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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