Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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